..Ashamed I Am Not

The dreaded silence.. Night time has arrived
How many pills did I just take? I’m just tryna survive
Survive this bone wrenching pain
Stuck in a game of cat and mouse
The chase is on..

Chasing time, I try to keep up with these thoughts
Always one step ahead of me, these thoughts just keep on coming
Fast forwarded days played out in my mind
My mind is in hyperdrive, as I lay still trying to find peace of mind.

I drift. Suddenly woken by screams..
Have you heard about my vivid dreams..
knowing I’m not the only one, keeps me sane
But the question is, does that make me sane?
Thoughts spiralling out of control as I lay here in vain
Silently talking to myself, I feel so lame
Why can’t I tame this invisible thug
I can’t tell you the last time I slept peacefully without alcohol or drugs..

What a shame..but ashamed I am not

Breathe Think Write Release

I read this back and It feels like I’m having déjà vu. I originally wrote this on the 26th of December 2014 but this could have easily been written tonight. My plight, years of suffering. The journey has been a long road, the only thing that keeps me going is knowing that this will all be over soon. I will make a full recovery and I will regain full use of my shoulder, it’s just the waiting in pain that gets to me. It’s ok though, I’ve got this.
I believe in the power of positive thinking.. I’m no longer angry and bitter about the situation. Positive thinking will see me through. 

..BTWR

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