6 Months Later.. Face life head on

The moment has come, for 6 months I’ve been waiting silently dreading this day
What are they gonna say what will I say
Will it be a tick box exercise
Trying to fit in to their predefined criteria 
Trying not to feel weak or inferior
The pit in my stomachs churning, heads spinning
Deep breathing has time stopped moving 

I’m typing this whilst I’m waiting
Hearts pounding, anxiety please don’t paralyse me now
Any minute now the phones going to ring
Any minute now it all begins

We can not let our fears and anxiety stop us from doing what we need to do. A time comes when you have to face life head on. To improve our lives we must be willing to face our biggest fears, we must be willing to make ourselves uncomfotable and vulnerable at times.

Sometimes we have to step out of our comfort zone to reach the next stage in our life.

-Dionne MT- 

Breathe Think Write Release 

Overwhelmed.. Therapy 101

We hide behind wide smiles masking troubled times
Only a few will see what’s really inside

We put on brave faces not to let our armour chip 
Meanwhile inside we feel like a sinking ship
Being drowned overwhelmed by the surrounding waters
Mentally exhausted in this moment looking for shelter

Looking for a place to unload all my woes
Cracks begin to appear breaking backs carrying loads 
Extreme emotions pendulum constantly swinging it begins to take its toil
One day high on the moon 
The next I can’t leave my room

So many thoughts my mind feels like it’s spinning
It’s like multiple people inside my head screaming
Then there’s me on the outside trying to get a word in and reason 
When it’s too much they overpower me, ousted for treason

I have to find a way to slow my mind down 
I have to dig deep to stay sound
Self talking myself up from a low
I already know how that story goes
Negativity breeds more negativity 
Positive thinking brings good energy

I may be down in the moment but I will always rise
I’ve seen dark days turn to weeks to ruined lives
So when my mind feels overwhelmed and I feel stressed out, I’ll try and write through the feelings
Staying silent doesn’t help writing calms me helps me release, therapy 101 this is my healing

-Dionne MT-


Breathe Think Write Release

#BreakTheCycle Let’s talk about mental health

#BreakTheCycle 

1 in 4 people each year will experience a mental health issue, 1 in 6 adults each week experience the same mental health issue. These numbers blow my mind but at the same time do not surprise me. I think the situation could be even worse due to the fact there are so many who hide these issues, there are so many who suffer in silence and there are many who do not recognise they have an mental health problem as they have several coping mechanisms they’ve subconsciously devised. These people usually only realise there’s an issue when all their safeguards fail and a major event or crisis takes place. 

Society has tainted the phrase mental health, it’s become a word associated with shame and embarrassment. A word of weakness, so often the next word that follows it is the word “crazy” or phrase “that person isn’t right”. Where did this way of thinking come from? People are afraid of what they do not understand. 

What you find is that we’ve all brought into this negative way of thinking when it comes to the topic of mental health, including those suffering. Maybe I am crazy? Maybe people won’t want to speak to me. Maybe I’ll be shunned. Maybe they’ll scrutinise everything I do or say If they know, maybe this, maybe that. All this torment for someone experiencing an mental health issue only adds to the problem. This fear of being judged usually leads to people not seeking out the help they need. 

Mental health matters, you matter, reach out
Any condition be it physical or mental, left untreated is only going to get worse. Instead of prevention help is sort when a person is at breaking point suffering from a crisis. Maybe things would never even reach breaking point if we acted when the first signs arise or if we recognised the signs to start with. Be it professional help or self help, there must be an acknowledgment of the issue.

There are so many people who are lost in the system or being failed by it. It should not be so hard to get access to mental health services when you need them. When it comes to seeking helping this in it itself is a major put off for some people, the barriers and lack of understanding. The way the system is set up is so difficult for those who actually want help. When you do finally get through to someone 6 months later where would you even start, you may no longer be in a state of crisis but still very much need help… Good luck getting a correct diagnosis from someone who is following a tick box criteria in a limited time slot. Something definitely needs to change. 

This is why I think it’s so important to talk about mental health issues with your peers, you’d be so surprised at the amount of people you know who may suffer with a condition. Conditions such as depression and anxiety are very common these days. These are mental health issues that may seem minor on the surface but they vary in severity from person to person, left unchecked they can and have become fatal like many other mental health issues.

We can’t always rely on the system to help us, sometimes we have to help ourselves because whilst we wait on the system passively we are not getting any better or any closer to controlling whatever it is that is going on. 

There are things you can do to help yourself such as:

– Do your own research

– Find support groups

– Talk to friends and family

– Practice mindfulness techniques

– Keep a diary to try and see what works for you and what doesn’t

– Meditate

– Exercise 

These are just a few things I can think of, but my point is do not rely on anyone or any service blindly. Yes seek out the help you need but don’t just wait and expect them to wave a magic wand over you and make you better. There is only so much medication can do, the cognitive side will still need to be tackled at some point. 

I would like to add a disclaimer, for anyone who is in a mental health crisis please go to your nearest A&E or call 999, if you are already under a mental health team follow your care plan, alternatively book an emergency appointment with you GP or get in touch with the Samaritans or one of the other support groups/services which I’ll leave links to at the bottom of this post.

Mental health is no joke, we need to take our mental health as serious as our physical health. Without the mental there is no physical.

-Dionne MT-

Breathe Think Write Release 

Useful Information:

  1. How to access mental health services
  2. Find Mental health support services near you
  3. Mental Health Foundation
  4. Generalised Anxiety Disorder in Adults
  5. Anxiety UK
  6. Talking therapies explained
  7. Depression Alliance
  8. Rethink Mental illness
  9. Men’s Health Forum
  10. Bipolar UK
  11. Young Minds
  12. No Panic
  13. Samaritans
  14. Crisis Services

Photo Source

    To Self Medicate Or Not? Sleepless Nights..

    Should I sip this morphine or just lay here in vain 
    Awake through the night sleeping 9am till midday
    Is it the pain or just my mind playing tricks playing games
    Games of cat and mouse chasing thoughts away
    Back fourth up down, round and round my mind keeps on spinning 
    Like a hamster on a wheel my thoughts keep on running
    No shut down no off switch, no good night I’ll see you in the morning 
    The dark silent room awakes it, I’m saying good night she tells me good morning 
    Throw the pain in on top, oh it’s one big lovely mess in a blender 
    Blitzing the concoction, today to the morphine should I surrender
    So much pain, silently rocking eyes closed I try to meditate 
    Deep breaths in and out holding out before I self medicate
    Maybe I’ll just lay here deep in thought and write
    Till my bodys so spent till the birds are tweeting till I see daylight
    Maybe.. Maybe not

    -Dionne MT-

    Breathe Think write Release

    Photo Source

    Insomnia Humour?! Screw your sheep

    My body clock has malfunctioned, I’m on the grave yard shift
    4.20AM shifting gears switching lanes, taking vape hits 
    Hit after hit sip after sip
    Swigging from the bottle
    Head spinning full throttle
    I just want to sleep
    Screw your sheep
    oh macdonald and his farm
    Pigs, cows.. the whole barn

    Right now there’s no consistency there’s no pattern 
    I lay In bed trying to get comfortable thinking let’s see what happens
    Why don’t I take sleeping tablets
    No thanks, who’s gonna help me kick that habit
    I’d be stuck in a cycle, life long dependency 
    I know me, I’ve got abusive tendencies 
    I can’t sleep, I need to sleep, I really want to sleep
    Is it the pain, is it my mind, oh wait maybe I just need to eat

    -Dionne MT-

    Breathe Think Write Release 

    Photo Credit: Got Insomnia? 8 Tips to help you get the sleep you need