Torn between They and You

As fast as walls come tumbling down we build them back up
Afraid to truly let go afraid to open up
Torn between they and you
Torn between what’s fake and true
Wishing you knew, wishing life was simple
What you see is what you get, what you feel is what you rep
Flying flags no misrepresentation black and white no misinterpretation 
In reality multiple shades of grey exist
But still we insist on defining definition-less situations single letter abbreviations
Why can’t life be simple? In actuality it can be as simple as we choose to make it
The only rules in life are the rules we set for ourselves 
The choices.. your happiness, living for you or everyone else
Let your walls come tumbling back down 
No living in fear stand firm two feet one ground

-Dionne MT-

Breathe Think Write Release 

Advertisements

Trends change, Opinions change. Know yourself.

For years I was being this person who I thought I was suppose to be, playing this role I thought I had to play. So blinded, so naive, a sheep. The thing is when you don’t truly know yourself you are easily led. You mimic those around you as to fit in.

Coming out in London wasn’t the easiest of rides, compared to some I’d say I came out quite late. I entered what is know as “The Scene” back then it wasn’t how it is now. For example to be transgender was almost unheard of, in the black community I’d say being young, ignorant and uneducated on the matter we almost frowned upon it. I look back and I see how we created so many problems for those who were possibly trans, which in turn caused problems for those who weren’t. What we had was a scene full of women of which some actually wanted to be guys but at the time for so many reason they didn’t feel able to express that.

For someone like me who was just a woman who liked to dress in a way I felt comfortable, all of a sudden you’re surrounded by women who look like you in appearance but are actually acting like men. They do not want to embrace their feminine features or allow others too. It was wrong to show your feminine side, we created division and hate amongst ourselves. The scene that I remember entering looking back was an angry place, the energy was all wrong filled with envy and hatred. Instead of supporting and empowering each we we’re being our own downfalls. That Is a dangerous world to enter into if you are trying to find yourself because before you know it, you’re acting a certain way, overcompensating trying to play a role you do not understand nor is yours to play.

Some of us grew up, some of us have opened our minds. We are no longer naive to such things, so many women who were presenting themselves as lesbian studs have now accepted they are transgender. It makes me happy to think we’ve taken these steps forward because this is where all the confusion comes in.
A lesbian does not want to be a man. Although a women may dress to embrace their masculine side it does not mean she wants to be a man. There is no man in a lesbian relationship. Why is that such a hard concept to understand?

Life is not as black and white as people make it out to be.

All these labels we gives ourselves do nothing but put us in a box. Think about it, who made these labels? Who made these definitions? Fem, stud, butch, tommy, stem.. do not believe the lies guys it’s all a joke, there is no rule book. If one day you feel like wearing baggy pants because that’s what you want to do and the next some skinny jeans do what you like. Who made anyone the judge and jury on how to be. Do not let society tell you how to dress, how to act. The bottom line is regardless of whatever label you assign yourself you are a woman, when you are naked with your partner it’s two women. If you don’t like that then you are probably transgender and that’s ok. Be true to yourself, honesty will set you free.

I look back and I’m glad I’m no longer that person. Pretending to be something I was not. Before I went to university I tried to be girly, when I came out something else. Inner conflict, anger issues, not knowing where I fitted in or who I was..what a mess I wonder why. I am simply just me, a woman in all it’s beautiful glory unapologetically embracing my masculinity within.

Ive learnt a lot of lessons along my journey, but since awakening my consciousness, opening my eyes even more so. Just be yourself guys do not follow anyone to fit in, trends change people lie. Some will present themselves one way in public but behave a different way in private, lie about the things they do as to say they are not a woman entitled to do such things.. It’s all a lie follow no one. Know yourself. Be you, whatever that means to you be that person. Do not be ashamed of who you are just be honest to yourself. In the end we are all just energy, our physical being carrying our soul. None of the outside matters, everything is perception. Gay, straight, bi, trans, a day will come where none of that will matter. Stay focusing on the inside whilst dressing however you like.

Do not compromise your values or beliefs just because your surroundings change. Stay authentic.

know yourself

Who am I? I am she.

Awakened.

-Dionne MT-

Breathe Think Write Release

Related Post:

Help & Support:

Check out galop.org.uk for a more extensive list of organisations which may be of interest to the LGBT community, friends and family.

 

So you’re gay.. What’s the big deal anyway 

Some people say you choose to be gay, that being gay is a lifestyle choice. In some ways those people are correct. Yes every gay person chooses to be happy. We choose to a live in the truth, I choose to express my love to a woman because do you know what that’s my thing. Love is love. A time will come when people won’t be caught up on labels..being straight, gay, bisexual, transgender whatever.. People will just be happy. You have to understand that being gay doesn’t stop your desire to procreate.. to continue your lineage. Life will still continue. Being gay does not define a person, it’s simply who they choose to be with, who makes them happy. Why should that bother you? Times are changing, we’re living in the age of technology where knowledge is right at our finger tips. There’s no reason for anyone to feel alone ever again, now is the time when you can express yourself to the fullest. Just be you. There are some people who are not ready and choose to live a lie and be straight..this happens for so many reason. These are the people my hearts are with. These are the people I want to say it’s ok to be different. Just be happy, it’s ok. I say.. it’s better sooner than later to come to terms with who you are, a lot of heartache can be avoided in the long run. Those who truly love you and know you will have no problem with it. It may take them awhile to get use to it, but as time goes on and they see that you are still the same person, nothing will change. Those who do not support you.. Well my personal view is that these people are not needed in your life. Do you really want to associate yourself with such small minded people? Just do you. Be happy.

Breathe Think Write Release

..BTWR