Looking for love?! Look No further..

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We must learn to love ourselves before we can love another.
This is a well known fact now.
Knowing our self worth is so important.

So many times in our life we search for a partner, someone to love us, someone to make us happy. We walk into relationships searching for someone to complete us.

We come with our baggage, we come with our expectations and with all these needs. We come and unsurprisingly we eventually have to leave.

Should we not be going into a relationship already happy, already whole. Should a partner not bring additional joy to your life, not the only joy.

At times we get into relationships, two broken beings feeding of each other’s soul. Two stagnant souls you’ll be, stuck in a rut trying to fix each other.

Instead we should focus on being happy whilst single. When alone; this is the time to learn to love yourself, learn to respect yourself, find out what makes you happy, be happy, motivate yourself, dream big, get out of the bed in the morning for yourself. Focus on being the best you.

If you do this, you will not worry about being single, you will not worry about finding a suitable partner. You will understand there is no need to worry.

When you both do unite, you will help elevate each other to the next levels in your lives. You will enhance each other’s happiness. You will build together, you will inspire each other.

Does this mean we have to be perfect before we enter a relationship? No not at all. We just need to love ourselves.

It sounds so basic, but sometimes we don’t realise we don’t love ourselves, until we start loving ourselves.

-Dionne MT-

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Morning Thoughts: Gratitude changes everything..

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Everyday we wake is another day we’ve been blessed with life. Sometimes we take the smallest things for granted like waking up or having a job to go to. There are so many people who would give their right arm to be in the situation we are in, to simply be alive.. a situation we ourselves may take for granted or fail to truly appreciate.

Be grateful for what was, what is and what will be. But more importantly be grateful for now, instead of focusing on all that you don’t have stop and take a moment to be grateful for all that you do have. You may find you become happier finding a sense of peace, instead of a sense of constant wanting. 

Why not make your default state be a state of constant gratitude. Life will start to reward you with more things to be grateful for. A state of constantly longing for something will just continue to present situations where things are not enough, where you are never really satisfied.

Gratitude changes everything. Being happy doesn’t make you grateful, being grateful makes you happy. 

Forever grateful.

-Dionne MT-

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My Shoulder Journey Continues..

When your spine is no longer straight and your shoulder bones are trying to escape out your back all you can do is stay positive and be patient.

Here’s goes my long awaited shoulder update.
So I’ve put of writing this update for so long for a number of reasons. Firstly my mind wasn’t in the right place to talk about it, I was frustrated that after so long I was still in the same position, this has been going on since 2013. After thinking my last surgery in February would be my last one and with everything that happened with me being admitted after surgery, falling whilst in hospital the whole ordeal had my back up. It can be very frustrating knowing deep down inside yourself that something still isn’t right, especially when on paper everything should be ok. Due to the way the system works there was nothing I could do but go through the motions before my doctor even considered performing a CT and MRI scan to see if the surgery had been a success. After months of playing the system, doing hydrotherapy and physiotherapy I took matters into my own hands. I’ve been going through this for such a long time now I understand exactly how it works and what you need to say to get what you want. It’s a shame this is the way the system work at times but I’m just being honest, you know your body better than anyone. Don’t let the system play you, unfortunately sometimes you have to play the system at their own game.

Long story short the anchors currently in my shoulder have not held, my shoulder is currently in a constant subluxed position meaning it’s not in the socket properly. One wrong move and it’s fully dislocated. I’m still in constant pain. Imagine.
Secondly the reason I’ve refrained from writing about this shoulder is because I needed to try and not focus on it, I knew I’d have to wait a significant amount of time before anything could be done. What would be the point in going on about it, especially if i didn’t have anything positive to say. It would have just made it worse so I kept it to myself as much as possible and tried to just get on with it. Staying positive knowing something would eventually be done.

So here we are 9 months later and I’m waiting to have more surgery. This procedure is the last chance to give me back some normality and I’m doing everything in my power to make sure my body and mind are in the right place for when it happens. My recovery and long term prospects depend on it.

Surgery

I will be having the Latarjet procedure performed under open surgery. This procedure in simple terms involves moving some bone with its muscle from one part of the shoulder and then attaching it to the front of my shoulder socket to secure it. Honestly there’s much more to it but I’m not going to go into the technical bits and bobs because it could get confusing, I’ll leave a few links below for those who are interested in the science.

I’m feeling really positive about the procedure and I trust my surgeon completely, he’s one of the best at what he does. This procedure is more complicated than any I’ve had before and the recovery will be longer but the prognosis is really good. Once I have this procedure I’ll be sorted for good this time..seriously this time will be different. I’m laughing because this is like dejavu, but I really mean it it feels different this time.

The next few weeks are really going to test my patience. It’s almost as if my body knows surgery is coming up so it has said, hey why not let’s go all out to give Dionne a pain to remember. Let’s not mention the fact it’s suddenly dropped by about 10 degrees. Today I’ve found myself in a&e with pains so bad I thought it was dislocated, not to worry guys just a really bad subluxation nothing I can’t handle right. Sometimes you have to laugh or else you simply just cry feeling sorry for yourself. Why me? Life’s not fair! How much more can I take type of situation. Don’t get me wrong these thoughts do cross my minds at times but that’s as far as I can allow it to go. If I get into a negative mind space about the situation the pain only gets worse. I have to keep going, I have to fight through the pain and stay positive knowing that there is still something they can do to fix it.


Everything above the line I actually wrote a few weeks ago but forgot to post it, as I do! This update has literally been sitting in my drafts collecting dust. Instead of being weeks away my surgery is now only days away. I made it guys!! I watched the procedure on YouTube last week and I’ve just realised I’m going to have actual screws inside my shoulder, to be honest until I watched it I didn’t realise how complicated the procedure was. Watching it has made me feel even more positive about the outcome, once they’re finished my shoulder will be so secure, there is no way it can dislocate after they’re done with me. I’m so excited, once the rehabilitation process is through I’m going to come back stronger than ever. I’m so confident about this whole process. I know this is just the beginning again and it’s going to be hard work but in the long run it will be worth it.

So there you have it, my shoulder update. Wish me luck guys it’s all or nothing now.

My shoulder journey continues..

-Dionne MT-

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It all began with this post:Do you believe me now?! Never give up..
Followed by:Shoulder Update
Click Here to read more posts from my shoulder journey.

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Life is happening whether we like it or not.

You can not press pause on life. Mid life crisis, breakups, pregnancies, redundancies the camera is still rolling regardless of the hurdles we may face. Life does not stop.

After breaking up with a partner you usually go through a period where you decide you want to be single for a variety of reasons. There’s nothing wrong with that, this is completely normal. But who are we to judge those that move on quickly. Who defines what quickly is? We’ve somehow all allowed society to dictate what we do next. What we do next is rarely because that’s what we actually want to do, it’s usually what we think we’re suppose to do, what’s expected of us. In these situations there are no rules, only the rules you set yourself. Life doesn’t have to be so complicated. Only you can decide what is right or wrong for you. Only you will know when you’re ready to move on.

That brings me to the topic of being ready. What do you define as being ready? We say I’m not ready to be in a relationship or date but do we even know why. What is it we are actually waiting for. Indeed there are situations when you should be saying I’m not ready. For example I don’t believe someone who has a selfish mindset be it for positive or negative reasons should engage in activities which at times will require them to be selfless.
There are other things where it’s not so clear cut. The I’m working on me scenario is a scenario which can be very blurry. Think about it, should we not constantly be working on ourselves? We are forever evolving and learning about ourselves, knowledge of self is a lifelong journey. There is no time limit on when we will completely know ourselves, it’s an ongoing discovery. Is this not life, an ongoing journey of falling, getting up, learning new things, growing, changing, adapting the list goes on. Will we not be waiting forever until we decide to open our hearts to another if our reason is..I’m working on myself. That should never stop even when in a relationship.

I personally think the relationships that work these days are those that understand what I’m trying to say. They understand that every individual on this planet is on a journey of self discovery that never really comes to an end. Perfection will never be attained. Knowing this they embark on a separate joint journey allowing each other to continue to develop as individuals.

I’m not saying you should take all your mess and dump it on some poor unknowing soul, no far from. Deal with the immediate obvious stuff that would no doubt put a strain on a relationship. But there are something’s that will take a life time to conquer and understand. We have to be able to draw a line and say ok what am I actually waiting for. What do I need to happen to say I’m ready because working on myself is very broad and in that scenario we could be here waiting forever.

I believe there is someone out there for everyone, don’t close yourself off to the possibilities because you don’t think there’s anyone who’d understand you or for whatever reason. There is someone out there for everyone.

Life is happening whether we like it or not. There is no pause button when it comes to living. Why should we let life just happen to us where we are simply reacting to what’s being thrown at us.

A point comes when you have to start living life fully. We have to make our own paths.

-Dionne MT-

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It’s Ok To Move On..

Haunted by echoes of your voice no longer
Words left unsaid never spoken
Never to be spoken again
Waiting for a tomorrow that never came
Waiting for yesterdays pain to fade away
We stay waiting for a tomorrow that is not guaranteed
To see your face one more day
To share all I have to say
Instead we stay silent cherishing memories
We stay silent a deep rooted pain engrained in our soul
Does it get better with time as they say
Not really but you learn to move on more and more everyday
Move on not to be forgotten
But to live unshackled from the anger
A consuming raw emotion that does not quench the pain
But instead ignite it destroying all that’s in it’s way
That fire must be put out
It’s ok to move on
It’s ok to be happy

 the trouble is you think you have time 

Time is nothing but an illusion..a continuous state of now. Live a life of no regret. Don’t wait until it’s too late.

Dionne MT-

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I am the soul author of the dictionary that defines me… Zadie Smith. 

“I am the soul author of the dictionary that defines me”

When I heard that line I literally clapped at my tv screen. Wow! What a powerful statement. Zadie Smith. What a woman, for that sentence I salute you. 

The screen adaptation of her book NW is definitely worth watching even more so if you haven’t read the book. She’s not afraid to speak the truths so many turn a blind eye to, pretending as if these things are not happening right on our doorsteps, inside our own homes even. She spoke what many think but are afraid to say. She laid it bare.

NW is such a complelling thought provoking piece of work. It’s real life.

I am the soul author of the dictionary that defines me. This statement needs no explanation, lets just absorb the words and let it sink in.

I am the soul author of the dictionary that defines me..

I am she. 

-Dionne MT-

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