Chronic pain & Insomnia.. tonight I had no fight 

3AM swigging morphine from the bottle, to numb the pain to quiet the voices
Voices ringing out these voices are so loud, countless noises
Chronic pain tension rising 
Mind running wild thoughts going crazy
Physical battle mental war raging
One two ten exhale.. not this again 
My worse enemy and my best friend 
Insomnia nights legally high
Medically drug induced hazy nights
It’s been months with no pain relief months of conditioning my mind 
Tonight I was tired tonight I had no fight 
Opiates coursing through my blood at the surface I’m tearing through my skin
I may be weak tonight but I’ll be stronger tomorrow I refuse to give in.. it will never win

-Dionne MT-


Breathe Think Write Release

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Not another pain poem!

Running on an empty tank flat tyres no air
Staring my pain in the eye in disbelief like how are you still here
Days turn to months I’ve lost count of the years
Reservoirs run dry I’m all out of tears

Then I remember the power I hold, the strength I have within 
Some days are harder than others but everyday I wake it’s a win

Everyday I keep on going, mentally fighting physically I keep on trying 
Pushing through the pain barrier if I said it was easy I’d be lying

At your weakest try and find the courage to smile through your troubles
You’ll develop an unwavering strength to face lifes hurdles

So keep on rising, you’ve come so far lets keep on fighting till the end
Smile, cry, scream, laugh, I know some days you’re okay other days you pretend
..but its okay, do whatever you need to do to get you through the day

-Dionne MT-

Breathe Think Write Release

Chronic pain quotes
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To Self Medicate Or Not? Sleepless Nights..

Should I sip this morphine or just lay here in vain 
Awake through the night sleeping 9am till midday
Is it the pain or just my mind playing tricks playing games
Games of cat and mouse chasing thoughts away
Back fourth up down, round and round my mind keeps on spinning 
Like a hamster on a wheel my thoughts keep on running
No shut down no off switch, no good night I’ll see you in the morning 
The dark silent room awakes it, I’m saying good night she tells me good morning 
Throw the pain in on top, oh it’s one big lovely mess in a blender 
Blitzing the concoction, today to the morphine should I surrender
So much pain, silently rocking eyes closed I try to meditate 
Deep breaths in and out holding out before I self medicate
Maybe I’ll just lay here deep in thought and write
Till my bodys so spent till the birds are tweeting till I see daylight
Maybe.. Maybe not

-Dionne MT-

Breathe Think write Release

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Chronic Pain.. I’ll say I’m ok

Deafening Silence

Deafening silence. Still I could not be heard

I wear my pain like a foghorn
Somedays my silence kills the room
Learning to dance in the rain
Learning to fight through the pain
Heavy clouds fill my eyes by day
Night falls banks burst pillows stain
Everyday pain every night pain
Across my face you may not see this pain
But listen in closly you’ll hear my pain

Its been four years maybe more of living with pain

Chronic pain. 

After awhile you stop speaking about it. After a while you stop complaining. It’s very hard to explain that at every single moment of everyday you are feeling pain.

A point comes when you want to take all your prescribed drugs in hope of a good nights sleep. Doctors will give you any drug you want as not to feel useless in your struggle. Take some more mophine lets not think about the lovely side effects and addictive properties it possesses. So many who do not know about these drugs are now hooked, self medicating to numb the pain or is it now to feed their addiction. I’ve been there but luckily I saw what was going on, be it not at the time but eventually. I’m now the one asking my doctor isn’t there something else you can give me instead of all these opiates. A point comes when you don’t even want to take any more medication, it becomes too much filling your body with drugs constantly in the hope of masking the problem.

A point comes when all you have left for the pain is silence. I can not feed into it any longer, I can not give it any more strength. I’m going to starve it with silence. To my pains and frustration I will now say.. I am ok and ok I shall be

-Dionnd MT-

Breathe Think Write Release

Releasing.. Meltdown preventing 

A pain so insane my core temperature is constantly rising
Sometimes I don’t even understand how I’m really surviving
My pain threshold will deceive you
The way I smile to get through
The way I keep going will mislead you
To drown in self pity is the day I’ll rue
Chronic pain orthopaedic sufferers I see you, I feel your pain
Honestly this road is so hard to understand unless you’ve driven in this lane
5am is fast approaching, im not complaining I’m releasing
Meltdown preventing I’d rather be sleeping, my strengths I’m remembering
All that I need to overcome my situation is already within me
We’re only given what we can handle is what I truly believe

-Dionne MT-

Breathe Think Write Release

Everything you need is already inside you